CHAPTER SIXTY SIX: THEATER FOR ONE, PLEASE

CHAPTER SIXTY SIX: THEATER FOR ONE, PLEASE

I was sitting outside the Winn Dixie on Monday and decided it was time to see a movie. So I punched in “movies near Key Largo” on my IPhone and came up with Cinema 5. I asked for directions and found out it was 472 feet from where we were parked. So I looked up from my IPhone and there it was! Then the IPhone, which usually tells you how much time it will take to drive to a location, simply said: “You can walk”. No kidding. Next, I called the Cinema 5 number and, miracle of miracles, got a real voice! Haven’t they heard of the robo-voice for movie theaters, a rage that spread throughout the country more than 10 years ago? Apparently not, thankfully. So I took full advantage of this real person and asked about each movie that was showing and at what times, on how many screens. That last question about the screens drew a laugh. I didn’t know why at the time. Aside from the usual blockbusters and teen vampire movies, Cinema 5 was showing “Quartet”. I had just seen Maggie Smith on 60 Minutes the week before, so I knew about this movie and her famous “F--- you!” line in it. But that wasn’t the attraction. I knew this was a movie about retired opera singers, and I expected it to be full of lovely music. So I planned to go see it Monday night.

At about 7 p.m. on Monday night I drove into a nearly empty parking lot by the movie theater. But it was twenty minutes before the movie started, so I figured I had beaten the crowd. I walked up to the theater, and there were two guys heading into see “Oz”, which started at 7. Behind the counter were three people, one clearly in charge, using big words to dominate his teenaged help. I didn’t even have to say “senior” – actually, I haven’t had to say “senior” for a while now. The face wrinkles give me away. That, and my request for “one” for “Quartet”. I think there’s an age requirement for that movie – you have to be at least sixty to want to see it and sixty two to want to see it bad enough to pay for it. While loitering around the popcorn/candy display I noticed the largest box of Dots I had ever seen, so I indulged. They had Big City prices for the candy. Armed with my Dots, I entered the theater for “Quartet”. It was empty. Okay, it was 7:05, plenty of time for the rest of the audience to show up. After all, “it’s the Keys, Baby.” One guy had just rushed in at the last minute to see “Identity Crisis”, after he was assured that it was laugh-out-loud funny. My empty theater held about 75 seats or so. And I had my pick. I knew wherever I say that someone with a big head would sit right in front of me, but this time I figured I could move if that happened (as it always does).

I sat down in the best seat in the house, and the screen came to life, as if I had sat on an activation button. There was a least five minutes of drivel, then the previews started coming. I saw Harrison Ford looking avuncular in the upcoming movie about Jackie Robinson (can’t picture him as dashing Han Solo any more). As 5 previews appeared before my eyes, I also noticed that no one else had entered the theater. Then the screen announced that the feature was about to begin. Still, no one else. I went to the door and closed it – this appears to be a do-it-yourself kind of place. No one barged in as the film began. So there I was at a private screening of “Quartet”. No sounds of plastic wrappers, popcorn eating or cell phones beeping or singing. Just me and Tom Courtenay (dreamy!) and Maggie Smith and Billy Connolly (droll!) and the woman who played Cissy – and the sounds of classical music – for one hour and 48 minutes. It was delightful. As I left, I thanked the big boss for the private viewing, and he said “No extra cost either!” I asked about movies for the rest of the month, but he only had for the next week. This is my newest “go to” place. And the price is right: $7.50. The Admiral and I were looking at concerts in the Miami area this weekend, and the few tickets remaining for a classical concert are going for $400 – per person! No thanks, I’ll enjoy my neighborhood theater many times over for a lot less. Hope they’re planning to show some more indie movies. The schedule changes today, Thursday, so I’ll find out soon. This is just another service I can offer you on your visit to us in Key Largo – private showings of relatively new releases. Yowzah!

Key Largo is the Dive Center of the world. There are at least 10 commercial dive boats in our canal, and they go out to the reef every day filled with shaking, quaking wannabe divers. Mostly, they’re shaking and quaking because it is been unseasonably cool during this Spring Break, with temps in the 60’s and 70’s and winds at 20 mph. But they have just this one week, and they came here to dive on the famous reef that is five miles off the coast and stretches the length of the Keys. Snorkelers are also welcome, but diving is what draws the big herds of college students. Having developed a small case of cabin fever in the past few days, I scheduled an afternoon of snorkeling yesterday, Wednesday. But when I awakened, the day greeted me with the same wind that’s been tearing through the palms all week. Snorkeling in very choppy water is not my idea of fun, especially when it’s also relatively cold. So I cancelled that reservation and bought a ticket for the glass bottom boat that also leaves from this canal. The glass bottom boat goes out to Molasses Reef and spends about a half hour slowly cruising over the top of the reef. During that period, you can sit on the floor in the salon and look down through the large glass frames on the bottom of the boat. I did that. It was cool, and except for the excessive air conditioning on the boat, it was a comfortable way to watch the coral swing and sway and follow schools of colorful fish – sergeant majors (yellow and black) were the most abundant. There were also a lot of barracudas. Much as the fish were beautiful, it was the coral that hypnotized me. There were so many different varieties, and they each had their own distinctive graceful movements. But the sea was angry, my friends, and the winds were strong, so we rocked and rolled back to home base. This was a surefire cure for my cabin fever. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and get warm.

The glass bottom boat attracted some students, but it was a much more mixed group of tourists on the trip I took. There was the family from Galveston, Texas, whose dad wore his Oshkosh overalls and hefty mom wore her Daisy Dukes. They were headed to Key West, but stopped on the way to take this two hour cruise. They had also stopped at a cousin’s in Louisiana for the weekend, and according to the dad, he had gotten drunk all three days. What a vacation role model for his son! There were the two guys from Jersey, one a pro wrestling fanatic who ran down the history of this “sport” from the Rock to Steve Austin to names I’ve never heard. There were the three Latinas, who huddled with their drinks in the bow of the boat, as the one in the strapless dress and leopard print shawl, reported that her husband or boyfriend had hacked her email out of jealousy. Damn that wind! I could have overheard so much more, if it had just been a little quieter. There was the lovey-dovey Aussie couple; again, damn that wind! And there were the two college guys, one who appeared to be a complete dork, who shepherded around seven lovely college girls – the guys were in heaven. Especially the dork, who carried a huge old fashioned looking camera and kept snapping photos for his memories years later of the best day of his life.

I don’t want to bore you with more about the Admiral’s culinary skills, but last night he served fajitas, one of his signature dishes. The tortillas were so fresh, the sirloin steak was marinated to a “T”, the green and red peppers from the produce stand were delicious, and mixed with sour cream, shredded cheese and salsa, this was a feast for the eyes and the stomach. This spectacular dish came after a delicious shrimp stir fry and a meal of fresh lobster meat, fresh from Gary Sands’ lobster boat. The Admiral had brought the lobsters on to the boat, while they were still alive. These spiny lobsters are kind of scary looking. But with 15-20 years of lobster fishing experience in his background, the Admiral knew exactly how to cook them. The meat was so tender. Just a small footnote to this dinner: It is very strange to me to eat an animal, which I personally saw live just an hour before eating it. This happened with the fresh crab, and now with the fresh lobster. The experiences have not made me a vegetarian, but I am ever mindful of this fact, as I am dipping the crab or lobster in butter and savoring their flavors. Moving right along, the Admiral’s breakfasts, oh my God, the breakfasts are a very tasty mix of eggs, fresh green peppers, various cheeses and some kind of meat (bacon, sausage or ham) mixed with seasonings concocted by the Admiral and served piping hot. I can’t forget the blueberry pancakes that started off this week – flipped to perfection, and full of blueberries. Yummy.

So now you’re pretty much up to date on the exciting times we are living in Key Largo in mid-March. Movies, coral reefs and fabulous eats. Beware the Ides of March tomorrow.