CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SIX: HARD AND WET

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SIX: HARD AND WET

This is how we spent our last two weeks: hard and wet. First, the “hard” week. We returned from the Poconos to Spring Cove in Solomons, Md., where Slow Motion was still teetering on tripods “on the hard” in the boatyard. Our shiny new propellers had arrived from Florida and they are a sight to behold. They’re just too pretty to hide underwater. I took a lot of pictures to remind me of how clean and burnished they looked when we got them. Once we returned, all the work we had requested began in earnest. The first boat bottom painter was, shall we say, lacking in the skills and motivation department. So he was fired, and we got a new, improved boat bottom painter, who did a masterful job going over all the mistakes and omissions of the less able fellow and then added a second coat for good measure. Slow Motion’s bottom was covered beautifully. Our new propellers were installed, and a local machine shop ground down the nuts that hold them in place, so they fit perfectly. Every day Alan of South Africa, the boatyard supervisor, came to check out our progress. He has a tattoo of Africa on his right calf. (And oh, the stories he could tell!)

Alan had his own boatyard problems while we were away. A mighty Kadey Krogen, also “on the hard”, across from Slow Motion, hooked its anchor into the hydraulic pipes along one side of Spring Cove’s relatively new boat lift. And the lift was out of commission. Alan took the blame, saying he thought the lift driver, Chuck, could hear him, but he had moved out of earshot to the other side of the lift. It was his first accident in 17 years, he said. You would have to meet Alan to realize what a stand-up guy he is – no B.S. whatsoever. He ordered new pipes from the lift manufacturer in Wisconsin, and they arrived days later – but two feet too short. This was frustrating, to say the least, because the manufacturer had made the Spring Cove lift, and knew, or should have known, the size of the pipes it had installed. In the meantime, boat owners were getting restless, trying to get their boats off the “hard”, back into the water, or out of the water on to the “hard”. Our neighbors on land, Pam and Don had been on the hard for more than a month, as Don did the impossible – personally installed bow and stern thrusters on his Jefferson power boat, Gallivant. They were just about done with their repairs and improvements, when the KK anchor bent the lift’s pipes. Their return to the water was delayed by about 5 days, but they treated this setback with the same equanimity we did. Stuff happens, especially in boatyards. There are no guarantees, except that you are guaranteed to Break Out Another Thousand (BOAT).

Living on the hard is a lot like camping out. We had no water line and we had no air conditioning. We were treated to temps in the high 80’s and humidity off the charts. We also had one really big rain storm one night, which kind of cleared the air. It was the lack of water line which had me perplexed at first. But when I discovered a pump action faucet across the yard, which I could use to wash dishes and fill water jugs, I realized we could survive on Slow Motion on the hard, sort of. Usually when we are tied up at a marina we run a garden hose to the “city water” outlet on the dock near our boat, and we can run water from the faucet in the galley sink. With that option closed, I trudged like a sub-Saharan matron to the watering hole with my dirty dishes or empty water jugs in tow. This is where all my years of education have brought me – back to a basic survival mode where water is a precious commodity which you have to share with all the members of your community, from the sweaty do-it-yourself boat owners to the dusty boatyard workers. But at night, when the workers and do-it-yourselfers went home, the water pump was mine, all mine! I even used soap on the dishes, and the suds spilled all over the ground. But I knew they would disappear before the boatyard came to life again in the morning. Who knew that soap suds could be such a guilty pleasure?

As I sit here scratching my latest bug bites, I still wonder when these blood suckers penetrate my flesh for their morning, noon and evening meals. I can’t see or hear them for the most part, but my legs and arms have provided many feasts for these invisible insects. It started out when we were on the hard at Spring Cove and continues until today at Calvert Marina. That’s another part of this experience which reminds me of camping. Who doesn’t remember being eaten alive by mosquitoes around the old campground picnic table? Funny thing about these insects – they have two human options before them – the Admiral and me – and they always choose me, the anemic one. Maybe I should follow the Admiral’s lead and never shower – just kidding! The Admiral has been known to shower at least once a week. I know I’m sweeter than the Admiral, exuding sugar from every pore – I eat a lot of candy, so I’m literally sweet, not figuratively. I’m sorry – too much information? Hey – I’ve spared you all the details of toilet etiquette on Slow Motion. Besides, you can feel smug and superior as you read this with nary a bug bite on your body. And if you ever need an insect magnet, you now know who to call. You’re welcome.

Just as I was getting used to climbing a tall ladder to get onto Slow Motion’s swim board, Alan announced that the parts had arrived and the lift was fixed, and we could go back into the water on Friday, the 27^th of June. The night before, they moved the lift to our position on land and put Slow Motion in its “cradle”, so it was ready to take the plunge first thing the next morning. With Chuck driving the lift, and Alan directing, we rumbled toward the “well” at 8 a.m. and Slow Motion was slowly lowered back into the water. Guess what! We still floated! And guess what else! The new propellers worked like a charm! And there was no shimmy! It’s a whole new world – a world without corroding propellers and bottom barnacles! As of the 27^th, we had not seen our bill – Alan was still working on it – but we knew these major improvements did not come cheap. Still, when your boat needs work, the emphasis is on “need” – there were too many years of deferred maintenance on Slow Motion in her previous life. We’re playing catch-up from the former owner’s years of neglect. I keep a log of every type of maintenance we do, of every part we replace – with the costs – so that the new owners will have a complete picture of the loving care we have given Slo Mo during our tenure. New owners, you say? You didn’t think we were going to cruise up and down the Atlantic Seacoast forever, did you? You did? Who knows what the future holds? Stay tuned, as our adventures with Slow Motion are not over yet. And as long as we cruise, on land or on sea, I will continue to write this blog about it. So for those of you who have become somewhat addicted to a regular Slow Motion fix, don’t worry, be happy – at least for now.

We went from “the hard” to “the wet” in less than 24 hours. My God, it was humid at Calvert Marina, where we motored after leaving Spring Cove. This is a five minute trip across Back Creek. Still, when you’re moving on the water, there is some air movement you can take advantage of. But when you’re tied up at a dock, as we have been for the past week, and the humidity goes off the scale, there is no air. There is only “wet”. You take a shower and dry off, and you are still as wet as you were in the shower. You lie down on top of the cotton quilt, and your shirt and shorts get wet, as does the quilt. Your hair gets wet, as your scalp is oozing perspiration. On top of all this wetness, there is the lethargy which sets in. Where once you had muscles, now you have jello limbs. Where once you were able to think complex thoughts, now you are dull as a woman’s razor after 10 leg shavings. That is dull! You don’t have the energy to get up off the soggy quilt or to change into dry clothes, and you know they’ll only stay dry for about 10 minutes anyway. What about air conditioning, you may ask? Touchy subject, that. True, we had the use of our air conditioners on Slow Motion, when we tied up at Calvert and hooked up to the 50 amp power pedestal. But the Admiral cogently explained to me that the air conditioners are high ticket items and if we used them and they broke, then most likely we would not be able to replace them – AND we would not be able to sell Slow Motion without working air conditioners. This made sense – NOT. I was drowning in warm puddles of perspiration, and the Admiral was throwing “what ifs” at me. Not fair. Especially because he was making sense.  But I, who usually eschews air conditioning at all costs and who also hates to be hypocritical, only had one overriding dull thought in my mildewed mind – I need cool, dry air! Finally, on the second or third day of this odorous ordeal (the days blurred together), the Admiral turned on the A/C, and I came to life again. I walked and talked and moved about the salon. I made a salad from fresh produce. And then, the humidity dropped, a cool breeze swept through Slo Motion’s side windows, and we were no longer sticking to the quilt, our clothes and each other.

To celebrate the return of fresh, dry air, the Admiral printed out a new set of New York Times crossword puzzles, and we set a record – we completed five (5) puzzles (Wednesday through Sunday) in just hours. These puzzles were hard, filled with lots of stupidly clever Will Shortz tricks and puns. So we knew our brain activity was back on track -- Just in time to have salient discussions of all the outrageous Supreme Court rulings of the last week in June. Hobby Lobby, the corporation, has the right to religious freedom, which trumps the religious freedom rights of its thousands of employees? Are you kidding me? Why not give Hobby Lobby and the other corporations their “rights” under the Second Amendment too, while you’re at it? Or how about the “penumbra” of amendments that provide a constitutional right to privacy? Let’s give those corporations/persons their penumbral right to privacy – to reproductive freedom. Oh sorry, with this Supreme Court majority, that’s merely a “woman’s issue”, not a fundamental right anymore, so corporations wouldn’t even want it. They only want the rights that trump “trivial” things like a woman’s right to choose. And, by God (pun intended) those clueless guys on the Supreme Court who happen to be Catholic, are going to see that corporations get everything that they want! Screw the individual, particularly the “loose woman” who wants her employer or her government to pay for birth control pills.

I knew Justice Thomas was a disaster from the gitgo, and I had no illusions whatsoever about Scalia and Alito. But I thought Roberts was salvageable, and Kennedy? Didn’t all those years in California make him a little bit progressive? All right, investigative reporters out there, listen up! Find out which of these miscreants is using Viagra or any other “enhancer”, and blow the whistle on their getting these sex drugs paid for by their insurance, while forcing women to pay for their own contraception. Talk about hypocrisy! Talk about denial of equal rights! Talk about abuse of power! Talk about turning the Constitution on its head and emptying out anything that would guarantee equal protection and privacy to women! Seriously, talk about this with anyone who will listen. This is not funny. Okay, settle down, settle down, Ann. You can see I got my brain back with a vengeance – now I just need to get my country back, the nation that used to be heading toward equal rights for women and men. Remember those days? We talk a lot about “the first woman President”, and that would surely be nice, but how about the first Supreme Court with a majority of women-oriented women? Not Queen bees, like Sarah Palin, who could care less about other women, but women who are tired of getting paid less than men, fed up with getting unequal insurance benefits that don’t cover a basic health item like contraception (while shelling out for Viagra), and marginalized by an old boy network which clings to their privilege and their power. I may not be wet anymore, but the Supreme Court’s misogyny has sure made me hot. Thank you, air conditioning, for activating my mind again. Now it’s time for another crossword puzzle.