CHAPTER SEVENTY ONE: BAD PUNDITS, GOOD BIRTHDAYS AND THE TRIUMPH OF GOOD OVER EVIL

CHAPTER SEVENTY ONE: BAD PUNDITS, GOOD BIRTHDAYS AND THE TRIUMPH OF GOOD OVER EVIL

All right. I’ve had more than enough from pundits who know nothing about the Supreme Court’s Miranda decision. Stop talking and writing about it, and take the time to read it and its progeny! Now a headline reads: “not giving suspect 2 (this bomber does not deserve to be named) his Miranda rights raises serious legal questions”. Uh, no it doesn’t. Suspect 2, by all accounts, was taken to the hospital seriously wounded and having lost a lot of blood. In that condition, had some idiot read him his Miranda rights and tried to take a statement, there is no way in hell it would have been admitted as “knowing” or “intelligent”. You see, there has to be not only the reading of these rights, but also a KNOWING, INTELLIGENT waiver of these rights. So read the decision and stop showing your ignorance. And by the way, there is a public safety exception carved out by the Supreme Court in the Quarles decision that should cover this situation. No Miranda rights reading when a gun or a bomb or something else that is imminently dangerous to an unknowing public is “out there” and the suspect knows where it is, but the police don’t. In that instance, the police would be totally negligent if they did not ask – even of a seriously wounded suspect – “Are there any bombs still out there? Where are they?” Yup, Miranda does not come into play in this circumstance.

And furthermore, if a non-Mirandized statement is taken, or a Mirandized statement is taken, but there was a flaw in the taking of it (police don’t use the right words or suspect can show waiver was not knowing or intelligent), while that statement may be ruled inadmissible in the prosecutor’s case in chief, if the defendant takes the stand, it will be admitted to impeach him. You see, we don’t like it when defendants perjure themselves and try to subvert the justice system, so if there was something flawed about the giving of the prophylactic Miranda advisement, or about the waiver, the statement may still be used against the defendant to combat his perjury. (Harris v. New York). So, stop blathering about Miranda when you don’t know what the decision says. And don’t worry, there is plenty of evidence to convict suspect #2. If he is able to give a statement to the police, even better, but we don’t know his condition or his ability to speak or be coherent. So stop dithering and let the trained investigators and prosecutors gather the evidence, including any statements, in accordance with the Supreme Court decisions. They have actually read them and know what they’re doing.

If you don’t believe this, ask any first or second year law student who has read the Miranda decision, for their opinion. So come off it, CNN gurus – this means you, Toobin. Don’t feed the public a lot of false BS about Miranda. It’s not like in the movies or on TV. You don’t “cuff” a suspect and read Miranda rights simultaneously. You pick the right time and place to read the Miranda advisement, where appropriate. Giving a smart suspect the Miranda advisement immediately often leads to an immediate invocation. That’s not a smart move on the part of the investigator. You only advise IF and WHEN you plan to INTERROGATE a suspect who is IN CUSTODY. If you ask a few preliminary questions, say of a drunk driver at an accident scene, that is NOT interrogation, and most likely the drunk driver is not yet in custody. So you, the investigator can ask away: Were you driving? Have you been drinking? Doing drugs? OMG, OMG, you’re probably saying, these questions could elicit incriminating statements. So what? If there is no custody, there is no “inherent coercion” and if there is no interrogation – asking a long series of questions designed explicitly to elicit incriminating statements (rather than investigatory questions to find out if you are the perpetrator of a crime) – then there is no requirement for the Miranda advisement – at all. Try to remember that, as news people and their so-called constitutional experts fill the airwaves with misstatements about Miranda. One final note: Miranda is not a “constitutional” right – it is a court made rule based on certain constitutional provisions.

I feel better now.

Let’s see. It’s Saturday, April 20, and the Admiral has returned from a journey to a faraway state to have his pearly whites repaired. He already had an engaging smile, but now it’s a glistening, engaging smile. Just one week ago, his eldest daughter, Sonja, visited us in Key Largo to help celebrate the Admiral’s 70^th birthday. If you don’t know this, the Admiral pretends to hate celebrations. He claims to dislike presents of any kind – this comes in handy for him when he “forgets” the birthdays of family members and friends. He supposedly can’t stand the singing of “Happy Birthday.” I needed to test the depth of his aversion to these all-American traditions, so Sonja and I took the Admiral to Mrs. Mac’s for a birthday dinner. Ahead of time, we had arranged for the presentation of one of their famous key lime pies at dessert time, with “Happy 70” written in whipped cream and a candle on top. We arrived at Mrs. Mac’s with the unsuspecting Birthday Boy, got a lovely booth and ordered some of Mrs. Mac’s best fish dinners. When we finished, on cue, a bunch of the wait people came up to the table brandishing the key lime pie with a lit candle – and they were singing Happy Birthday. Aha! The moment of truth for the Admiral! Well, he looked so surprised and so happy, and he laughed and appeared to be having a great time with the impromptu serenade. Sonja and I took photos to memorialize his true feelings about birthdays, at least his own. And we all enjoyed the famous key lime pie. Happy 70^th, Admiral. Bah, humbug.

Since the Admiral’s real birthday was the next day, April 14, we all drove to Key West to continue the celebration. On the way we stopped at the key where the small Key Deer are in abundance. But alas, we saw only one Key Deer – and it had just been hit by a car. The last time we looked for Key Deer, we found a whole herd in the woods in a neighborhood. They’re shy, but there are so many of them, you’re bound to see them on the side streets. Not last Sunday, no, no, no. The word about the fatality must have spread quickly through the deer colony, and they all stayed very, very far away from any roads or vehicles.

We continued on to Key West, knowing that there would be plenty of wild animals in that crazy little village. Sonja took me to Bo’s for a mid-afternoon lunch, while the Admiral toured West Marine across the street. Bo’s made something for me that was not even on the menu – a grilled cheese sandwich – and it was delicious. Cost? $2.23. Who says it’s expensive to live in Key West? After our tasty meals, Sonja and the Admiral and I parted ways, with Sonja heading off to one of the more historic parts of Key West, and the Admiral heading to the marina. What else? Of course, we’re going to look at the marinas and check them out for next year. We came upon the Jewel of the Seas, a nine hundred foot long “Love Boat” based on Nassau, loaded with people heading to Cozumel from Tampa, then back to Tampa, all in five days. That’s a lot of rich food in a short period of time, if this cruise ship is like most cruise ships – food six times a day, heavy on the carbs and desserts. I’m not sure who would take this cruise, but the liner seemed full, and there were a lot of people who stayed on the boat for the nine hour stop in Key West. (You don’t want to miss any of those sumptuous meals.) I’m not saying it couldn’t be a fun time, but it’s kind of like spending your vacation in a floating hotel. Who goes to a hotel for a week’s vacation? That’s the person who would really enjoy this kind of cruise.

We left Key West, cold drinks in hand, and headed back to Slow Motion. On the way, Sonja found a lovely restaurant right on the water, Lazy Days, where we stopped for another birthday dinner, this time on the actual day of birth. The food was really good, according to my traveling companions, but you would not have believed the service. For lack of a better name, let’s call the waitperson “Rudy” (for being plain rude). The Admiral ordered a dinner that included a salad. The salad never arrived. When Sonja pointed this out to Rudy, he said “What do you want me to do about it?” Sonja suggested he could reduce the bill by the cost of the salad, and he looked dumbstruck, gobsmacked, and actually confused. He said something about giving the Admiral another roll, or some idiotic remark. But he could not grasp the concept that the dinner without the salad should cost less. Sonja assisted him by requesting that he take $2.00 off the dinner price, and again, he looked dumbstruck and gobsmacked – not confused this time. He asked: “Why would I do that?” Okay, we asked for the manager, but there was none to be found. There was an equally mentally challenged host person, who also had apparently never taken any course in customer service (or common decency). So Sonja did the only decent thing – a very, very small tip – getting the dinner reduced by the tip that Rudy would have received, had he been just civil to us. The Admiral remained serenely above the fray, enjoying his second birthday meal. Thank you, Sonja, for being assertive and for feting your father on his birthday. Rudy notwithstanding, you did a great, loving thing.

The Admiral made orzo for us the next day, and we were enjoying the orzo and each other’s company, when the bombs went off in downtown Boston next to the marathon finish line. Then we were glued to the news channels to follow this devastating tragedy. April 15, Tax Day, Patriot’s Day, Marathon Day – another Day that will live on in infamy. We took a break from the news to drive Sonja sadly and slowly to the airport, so that she could return in time for the rains and floods in Chicago this week. We are always so happy to have visitors on Slow Motion, especially loving, caring, brilliant ones like the Admiral’s eldest daughter. Come back, Sonja! Any time!

This entire week I was glued to the news stations, watching events unfold in Boston, Cambridge and Watertown. I have a good friend in Watertown -- Hi Karin! – and when she was placed on lockdown with a million other people, I had to check on her safety. She was safely at home, but described the days and hours of not knowing as one of the most horrible experiences of her life. She was about a mile away from where Suspect Two was found. I have never been engulfed in a manhunt, but can only imagine what every sound outside the house must feel like. My worst recurring nightmare is running into my house to get away from a pack of boys, who then arrive at my house and try to break in through every door and window. And I’m running to each door and window just seconds before they get there to lock them. But there are too many doors and windows and the locks are not secure or the windows are broken – and then I wake up screaming. It sounds like Karin was in the middle of my nightmare this past week. Hats off to the boat owner who saw the rip in the tarp and the blood on it. I wouldn’t have gone to look inside the boat, as he did, when he actually saw Suspect Two – but fortunately, he was not shot and he called the police. What an observant guy! Bostonians are definitely tough and resilient, but they are also really good eye witnesses – a prosecutor’s dream town.

To get away from the manhunt for a few hours, I went to see “42” at the Tavernier Cinemas. As you may know from a previous blog, I saw “Quartet” there, and I was the audience of one. This time I had to share this amazing movie with two other people. Harrison Ford was really, really good. Chadwick Boseman, you were great! Watching Jackie Robinson join the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1947 and withstand the repulsive racist remarks of managers, ball players, umpires and fans was incredibly inspirational. I knew much of the story, but didn’t know about Ben Chapman, the horrible Phillies manager who stood on the field and shouted one racist comment after another when JR came to the plate. As Branch Rickey said (at least in the movie), the only color he recognized was “green”, and ultimately the Phillies realized that they were losing a lot of “green” with the subhuman Chapman at the helm. Well, I don’t want to get into name calling – he wasn’t subhuman, but he was definitely racist. Racists have to check their humanity at the door, in order to put down another human being for the color of his/her skin – so at the very least he was inhumane. Good triumphed over evil in this film, so it was the perfect antidote to the Boston bombing. I don’t think I will ever forget the smile on Martin Richard’s face – such a lovely eight year old. Suspect Two, I don’t care what “motive” you and Suspect One had for destroying innocent people’s lives. I don’t. Evil doesn’t need a motive. You are evil. Whatever your friends say about a previous life you led, on April 15, and from that day forward, you personified evil. Go to hell.