CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY ONE: A GREAT LOSS AND A POTENTIAL GAIN

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY ONE: A GREAT LOSS AND A POTENTIAL GAIN

I have not written about this. I have no words. Rob died. Cathy’s husband and best friend and so much more died. He had a new liver. It was cancer. Cathy was with him. He sat up in bed and looked straight at her, then he died. He and Cathy had found each other many years ago at Apple – two geniuses who knew they could make a great life together. Rob the artist with photography, Cathy the artist with words. And what a keen sense of humor each one brought to the match! Rob and Cathy had twinkles in their eyes all the time, ready to rip off a terrible pun or to absorb one from each other. I hope Cathy still has the twinkle in her eye – I’m sure she does. She imparted it to her two sons, David and Michael, incredible young men.  This is the rare instance where the sons are as thoughtful and supportive and considerate as any daughter would be. She raised them right. They know what a treasure she is. And so do her daughters in law and her grands. They will all give Cathy the love she needs. And when she comes East, she will be surrounded by their warmth. No one will replace Rob. But being with her close family on a daily basis will certainly ease the pain of loss. I hope Cathy takes some time to write – she could have a large, adoring public for even the letters she has written over the years. She’ll find her way, no matter what she decides to do.

It’s hard to define “friendship”, yet it is one of the most important parts of my life, especially since I have become a little less mobile. My friendship with Cathy goes back to the first day we arrived at Wellesley – I saw her on the path in front of me, as I realized I was heading to the book store without any money. So I increased my pace, caught up with her and asked to borrow money to buy books. She became my immediate friend, when she agreed to lend money to a complete stranger. Yep, Cathy was my first college acquaintance and my first college friend. In those four years at Wellesley, we pulled a lot of all nighters together writing our papers and preparing for exams. Even when I moved to the German Corridor Cath and I did stuff together, like sabotaging the little hill our phys ed teacher used for a “ski slope”. After college, Cath helped me through my divorce and I helped her through breast cancer. We had formal dinners out with David and Michael when they were 7 and 5 years old. David taught us about escargot, something he developed a taste for while touring with Joan Baez and her son, Gabe. The boys introduced us to Steve Martin and his “happy feet”.

Cath and I were going to run against each other for President in 1984. We both wanted to be President since elementary school. And we decided that the best way to ensure that one or both of us would achieve that goal would be to run against each other, so no one else could win the job. Cath had staked out the Democratic Party, and my family had raised me in a Republican household. I know the country would be far better off, if we had pursued our elective dreams. One problem arose – I switched to the Democratic Party in the late 1960’s – actually I went through a period of socialism that I have not fully climbed out of. But then we talked about running together on the same ticket – it was always a question who would be on the top of the ticket, so we agreed to a co-presidency. I know we let ourselves down, and we let the country down big time, by not carrying out this plan. We both have more common sense and less ego than anyone who has served as President in our place. And smarts? Off the charts! I regret that I did not see the onslaught of Big Money into our political world in time to stem that tide. Of course, no one could have foreseen Citizens United, the execrable Supreme Court decision which has made our political system an obscene oligarchy. I would still like to be President, as I am sure Cathy would too, but not enough to be a puppet candidate for Big Oil, Big Pharma, Big Insurance, or Wall Street.

Cathy and I wanted to make sure that there is a woman president – at least one – in our lifetime. It’s not that every woman leader is different from every male leader – think Margaret Thatcher – but we believe that our leadership would be qualitatively different from that of all our male presidents because of our life experiences as women who have known poverty, loss, discrimination – and who have risen up against those who worked for decades to keep women down. We are not “queen bees” – we are working women who have worked to help other women advance, as well as to end discrimination based on sex, race, color, ethnic origin, sexual orientation or any other immutable trait. Now that Hillary Rodham Clinton has become a viable candidate for the Presidency, again, we will support her. The attacks on her – especially by other women – show how far we still need to go to overcome stereotypes based on gender. The old shibboleth that “you can’t trust a woman”, which was legislated into the sexual assault laws that required independent corroboration of the rape because a woman could not be trusted, has reared its ugly head in Hillary’s campaign. All the news stations are running polls on whether Hillary is “trustworthy”. Do you remember polls like that for Reagan, Bush, Clinton, the other Bush or Carter? News media don’t even “get” that they are using an old sexist myth about women in general to attack Hillary in particular.

And what about you women who “can’t stand” Hillary? Why is that? Have you examined your feelings? What is so bad about having a President who will finally get you pay equal to your male counterpart or a President who will press for family leave with all employers for women and men? What is so terrible about a President who will protect our right to choose and keep the government out of our bedrooms and out of our private decisions regarding reproduction? What is so awful about a President who will champion women’s rights and girls’ rights around the world and push for education for girls in countries that don’t value girls or women? What is wrong with a President who will make sure that contraception is covered by all insurance plans? And how can she do this with a troglodyte Republican Congress? Don’t assume the Republicans will carry the Senate or the House again. Get out there and work your butt off to get representatives who care about your issues elected – no more Tea Party types whose only agenda is to oppose every positive piece of legislation which helps the middle class and to protect the richest people in our nation by lowering their taxes, not ours.

Please don’t work against your own interests any more. Stop with the low self esteem. Women can be in power. Women can help other women and men – and children too. Drop the double standard. Women don’t need to be twice as smart and twice as competent as men to do the same job. Many still are, but they don’t have to be any more. Ask yourself if it’s time for a change. Was Golda Meir so bad? Is Angela Merkel incompetent? We are more than 50% of the voters in this country. What’s wrong with voting as a bloc in our own enlightened self interest for a change? Don’t even dare to tell me it’s the emails. Or the money she accrued making speeches. What? Trump’s money as a developer is more ethical than Hillary’s money as a speech maker? I don’t think so. Don’t buy into the stereotypes – she’s too wooden; she doesn’t have a sense of humor; she’s a bitch – that one comes up a lot. What is the male equivalent of bitch? Oh yes, demanding leader. So let’s make some history together – and make some progress at the same time. Our daughters and granddaughters deserve this. So do our sons and grandsons. Do it for a better future for them.